I'm Not Gay!

Once again I turn on the radio in the morning to hear a man pleading in a press conference, "I'm not gay!"-- and I think, I'm sure I'm not the only one this sounds weird to, but apparently the commentators at NPR don't think it's weird. It's kind of like having a press conference to announce, "I'm not a Capricorn!" or "I don't eat chicken!" What's the deal with this? I thought we were moving into the future. Oh, no, that's right-- we are moving into the dark ages, or the DARK AGES, the NEW Dark Ages. Sometimes I think that mortality is like a race to a peaceful place before an insane world becomes unbearable.

I even had to read about this Idaho Senator a little-- what happened. It seems he was making well known public restroom signals to an undercover cop. (Aren't there real crimes being committed in Idaho?) How come I don't know these signals? You mean I could go to a rest stop bathroom and tap my foot a few times and get arrested? What if I was humming a popular show tune in the shitter-- could I possibly get life in prison? Is my habit of smiling at strangers on the street putting me at risk with the vice squad? And what are police doing camping out in bathrooms, waiting for people to meet up? Are there police in pickup bars, waiting for you to buy someone a drink, and then-- to jail? I've had men say things to me that I've interpreted as a proposition-- though I'm always unsure-- but I usually find it’s pretty easy to smile and say, "no thanks" or even shake my head no-- and I usually see no need to call 911.

We shouldn't be so surprised that politicians are so frequently involved in sex scandals. They are politicians! We shouldn't be surprised if occasionally a boxer beats the shit out of someone-- though really, boxers seem to have a bit more control, generally, than politicians. But that's what boxers do. What politicians do is say, "Vote for ME! Love ME! LOVE Me!" It's all about love, right?

Anyway, so what's this guy saying? In announcing loudly, in public, "I'm not gay!"-- he's not necessarily saying he thinks it's bad to be gay, or is he? Shouldn't HIS WIFE be the person he's saying I'm not gay to? Is he saying?-- "I'm not gay, I just like to have sex with anonymous men in public restrooms! But I'm not gay!" I guess he IS saying: "It's bad to be gay, but I'm not gay, I'm just a public restroom perv, LOVE ME! LOVE ME!"