Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays from Air France! We, and, I, for one, want to personally wish you a healthy and prosperous holiday season and an even healthier and more prosperous 2011. Though if you were in PERFECT health in 2010, maybe wishing to be healthier is kind of insane, because how can you get healthier? Maybe work on that MENTAL HEALTH. That's an area where we all need some work.

If you walk out of your house and in the first five minutes aren't nauseated by the sight, sound, and smell of automobiles, you either, a. live on some remote island, or b. you have become used to what has been the most major atrocity on planet Earth in the human era. Most people have just adapted to the ugliness, the sickness. Perhaps you could even say that the most mentally healthy approach to the automobile is to embrace it. I don't agree, but then I'm not running for public office anytime soon, and I'm sure as hell not getting elected WITHOUT running.

I rented a car once during 2010, a little Nissan or something shit-kicker, or flea-flicker, gnat or something with a small or modest name. I don't remember. It was about as attractive as a wart, but it made sense in that it was tiny, you could park practically in a mailbox, good gas mileage, relatively quiet, and it still seated four or carried boxes. As bad as "The Economy" is supposed to be, I see nothing but HUGE SUVs and trucks and military vehicles all around me, most brand new, all with increasingly steroidal looks and ever-more obnoxious horns and alarms. I don't believe it's just for "safety." Sure there is a small percentage of suburban paranoid freaks who won't take their kids out in anything but an armoured personal carrier, but for most people who are buying these monstrous vehicles, it isn't because they want to take a Freightliner head-on, it's for status, penis-extension, and for moronic expression and extension of otherwise personality-less self.

If the government suddenly decided to paint every single flat surface a putrid shade of industrial garbage-puke orange-pink, and play an endless digital version of the "Star Spangled Banner" from every speaker, radio, and broadcast device so you'd NEVER stop hearing it, and required that you stop at an armed checkpoint EVERY BLOCK (when on foot) to scan your personal barcode identifier and x-ray the contents of your bookbag, and fill the air with a constant and endless stench from burning plastic and outdated computer equipment for fuel, sure, we would all complain at first. But we'd get used to it. As long as we had a source of sickly sweet alcoholic chocolate goo to fill our mouths with and an endless supply of fresh pornography, and serially addictive brain captivating game to anesthetize us, and a brain injuring sporting spectacle to talk about for six minutes a day for a sense of community, we'll be okay as long as we are able to get into a car. Every generation likes to talk about the end of the world, but the end of the world has come and gone, and we are merely the mold growing on the ruins. Happy holiday season to you and your family... every last one of you human beings!