Toss Salad

I saw a sign on a restaurant that said "TOSS SALAD"-- in red neon, no less, so they were pretty serious about it. You'd think before you ordered the neon you'd check to see if you were using the right word and grammar, but there's so substitute for self-confidence. "Tossed Salad" is definitely more standard, and when I hear "toss salad" I think of a salad made of toss, which is puke. To toss is to puke, so toss as a noun would be the actual puke. Toss Salad, therefore means PUKE SALAD.

Not that most tossed salad is much better than puke anyway. But first, I thought I’d check on the big internet to see if I was correct. It turns out that when you search for toss OR tossed salad you get a lot of a websites about oral-anal sex or something… I mean, I had no idea. But then it seems like any possible word you can think of has some sexual meaning. Let's try a few. Can. Sexual. Strawberry. Sexual. Doorknob. Sexual. Blanket. Sexual. Lamp. Sexual. See what I mean?

Anyway, why is it that every time I get a salad in a restaurant it ends up being somehow decidedly unsatisfying? Like all they'd have to do is cut up the green peppers a little more, or pit the olives, or put a little more garlic in the dressing, or fry then chill the onions. Or take the brown shit off the iceberg lettuce. I mean I can make a delicious salad with half of my brain in a drug stupor, and ingredients from a bachelor refrigerator, so why can't they pull it off for seven bucks at a restaurant? I'm sure there are some great salads out there, at some great restaurants, but nine times out of ten they’re total shit, leading you to believe there is something to that sexual definition.

Sex and The City

I mentioned my new online journal called "Happy Endings" to someone, and they were happy to assure me that that term was all about something sexual. It seems like once something becomes about something sexual it eclipses all other meanings. This is kind of disappointing to me. It's not that I am against things that are sexual; I just am interested in other things as well, such as dreams and stories, injustice and diners.

What I think about all of this is that the reason for the prevalence of sex ingrained in everything is not because of such a great interest in sex, it's because of sexual repression. OK, I guess that's not such an interesting thought, after all. I'm sorry. Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, or sex. Those are my four choices.

This diary entry has nothing to do with Sex On The City. I was just wondering HOW MANY "blog" entries were titled that this summer. "This Ain't The Summer of Love." That's a Blue Oyster Cult song, which is followed by another song with virtually no gap. You know, those decisions (which have only to do with vinyl records and never with CDs) are decisions of the ages, of all time, equal in importance, at least, to something like, "You’re no Jack Kennedy."

Well, okay, how about this: Does anyone think it's weird that that Sarah Jessica Parker's character’s LAST name in "Sex Upon The City" is the same last name as her REAL LIFE boyfriend?

I am beggging you...

I have read everything there is to read, now, twice. I have come to the end of the last book, and I see no future in the libraries or bookstores of the world. Please... please, someone recommend to me something to read...

May 4

It has gotten so when you mention May 4 to people it doesn't have any significance, unless maybe they are residents of Kent, Ohio. That is the date, of course, of the Kent State shootings of 1970 in which National Guardsmen opened fire on student protesters, killing four and wounding nine. The acute memory of this incident, however, is now beginning to fade in the larger public consciousness, mostly due to more recent events of great magnitude such as Nixon's resignation, the Tonya Harding scandal, OJ's low-speed chase, and American Idol.

It is now widely believed that it wasn't actually members of the Ohio National Guard who fired their weapons at the students, but TERRORISTS posing as guardsmen, whose motive was to initiate full scale revolution.

Where Is The Money?

Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a happy new year. And I have the ability to do it.